Why Do I Look So Damn Old?

Why Do I Look So Damn Old?

Dear Melissa,

I’m a new mom. I just had a baby 9 months ago and I’m 37 years old, and it seems like overnight I started looking like my grandmother. ūüôĀ

Yes I’m sleep deprived. I’ve just recently gone back to work. Between running all over the place toting diaper bags, a 9-month old baby, and breast milk everywhere, I feel like it’s taking its toll on my appearance. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning and I saw my 62-year old mother staring back at me. I wanted to cry.

Suddenly I have those 11 lines between my brows and I’m starting to get saggy jowls and a double chin. Why on earth is this happening to me? I shouldn’t look 47, I’m only 37. Is there anything I can do to fix this short of surgery? HELP!

Frustrated and Depressed,

Heather M.

A: Hi Heather, I feel your pain. No woman on Earth wants to wake up looking like a classical portrait dating back from the 1700s.

First let me congratulate you on being a new mom. It’s tough caring for a baby at any age and it’s no mystery why it could be taking its toll on your appearance. I’m a mother myself and I’ve been through the motions of postpartum physiological changes that thrust their ugly selves upon us from our faces to our feet. My hair fell out, I was exhausted, my weight was not where it should be and I was nothing short of overwhelmed.

Much to my chagrin, this most definitely made me look and feel like utter crap.

The good news is, I can help you take 10 years off your appearance in a week. You don’t need to panic and run out and have surgery. In fact, if you use these tools and put them into practice regularly, you can start looking like your old self again. Possibly¬†even younger.

brow furrows

The Third Eye

First, let’s take care of your furrow problem.

  • There’s an accupressure point smack dab between your eyebrows called “The Third Eye”

I want you to begin massaging The Third Eye pressure point in a clockwise direction 2-3 times a day everyday for two minutes. Massage it in the morning upon waking, after lunch and once more in bed at night right before you fall asleep.¬†Simply take your index finger and place it just above the bridge of your nose onto the ridge located directly between the middle of your eyebrows. You’ll know you’ve hit it when it suddenly feels slightly uncomfortable, kind of like someone jabbing you in the ribs.¬†

I’m not joking when I say this will work for your furrows better than anything else. I’m 41 years old and started having the dreaded grumpy cat furrow problem at 35. If you’ve seen my photograph in my recent interview you’ll notice I have no furrows. In fact, my skin in my brow area is very taut, plump and firm. I’ve also never had any botox.

Do this and your furrows will be gone in a week. Guaranteed.

Dairy or Not?

Now onto your jowls and double chin problem.

Honestly, it has much more to do with diet and edema (bloating and swelling) than it has to do with your skin losing integrity and elasticity. I know you’ve been told to drink lots of water, cut back on the sugar, get enough sleep and yada yada. Yes, those things most definitely work and you need to start practicing them religiously if you haven’t already.

But the real results happen when you clean up certain parts of your diet.

  • ¬†Consume little to no dairy, if any dairy at all

Many diary products not only contain a lot of lactose (which is a disaccharide = simple sugars), but they are often super high in sodium. And too much sodium often causes all that unsightly swelling, not to mention too much sodium is just all around bad for your health. Consuming too much dairy can result in a slew of immune reactions that breed skin inflammation and swelling. Your lymph and endocrine system have to work 3 times as hard to process all these disaccharides and excess sodium–the unsightly crap that is congesting up your face and your chin.

Contrary to what the dairy and food industry tell us, that we need calcium, we need Vitamin D, we need to consume dairy via drip-feed in our sleep, etc., I refuse to buy into the consensus that we need to consume dairy despite what the “experts” tell us. Our¬†need for calcium is most certainly a well-documented fact. But we can get a ton of calcium from healthy sources.

We can get calcium from fruits like oranges and vegetables like broccoli and kale–highly nutritious fruits and vegetables that will also help reduce and drain the lymph out of our “jowls and double chin.”

Heather, you don’t have jowls or a double chin. You have swelling that is causing these facial fat pockets to collect fluid in your face and stagnate there while “suddenly appearing out of nowhere.” Drink your water, cut back on the dairy and sodium, have more calcium-rich fruits and vegetables, massage your Third Eye 3 times a day, and watch your furrows, jowls and double chin disappear.

Try each of these steps for a week. If they don’t produce any results, I’ll personally start going back to eating dairy, cease massaging my Third Eye, and post pictures of the horrendous results. Um wait, no I won’t. Like you, I don’t want to look 50ish when I’m only 40ish.

Best in Beauty and Health,


Remember, you can send in your most pressing beauty questions to Melissa where she’ll be answering them here each week. Email us your story at: info@elitebeautyblog.com


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